ANTITHESIS (PART II)-letter to a homeland

my dear land,
my home....i hope you do not find this the insane ramblings of a war ridden old soldier from the front......
me,am not of the sentimental sorts..but i guess,the war changes everything it touches.....humans too..especially humans i must say.......
years away from you has left me craving for a sight,a smell,a sound,even any memory associated with you....the smell of the lush,fertile earth,the rolling hills,the peaceful cattle.....my small house....mother at her stove..the fragrances of spices...father ..he always had the fragrance of the earth which was his life blood...sturdy and secure...my precious love..with her mysterious sparkling eyes....i hope this finds them in safe and sound health............
i sometimes think of the young man who left home..that fateful day..years ago..all eager and ideal ...the patriot to patrol his land....and never find him in me anymore.....as i said..the war changes everything.....the idealism...fades..the convictions for the causes we fight for burns to ashes....the faces of friends and enemies merge......every eyes...besides or opposite..are mirror images.....all that remains is the gunfire and memories of carnage...what we suffer..so do they....wars will begin and wars will pass......soldiers will fight...soldiers will die...eventually nothing of us will remain...except a pile of mass memorial on some street in the country we will bleed for..........
every evening as i sit under the silken skies.........i think of my land...i think of my home....i think of my family...my love...the place where the heart will always place its largest share..and feel an etching sadness haunt me....
i am homesick...homesick for my land..where all i want is a small field..where i will grow brinjals,capsicums,yams and all possible hideous vegetables which maybe i will only eat.........but i know..i will be happy as the sun shines on me as i stand on the earth where my heart lies...
i do not know what is that i dread the most....in some ways the war not ending makes me live my life as if it is the last moment.and if the war ends.....the worry that gnaws me is if i will ever fit into civilization again....you see..the war just does not handicap the body...but it also scars the heart and for some..kills the soul..............
for all it does good.........under the gathering twilight....i bid adieu...to a day gone by....away from my homeland.....
the confused soldier on the frontier.

ANTITHESIS (PART I)-letter from an open cage.

dear diary,
feeling:low,blue,depressed,frustrated.
seems like i have been feeling like this forever..and will always end up feeling like this if i do not do anything about it.
why is being a 22 year old girl so frustrating?isn't it the time in your life when the world is laid out before you like an unexplored treasure..when the blood is young and fresh ...and everything seems possible? then why do i already feel old and cynical?
long before..i had made a promise to myself...a vow..to live life to the fullest...never regret a single moment...long ago i had decided that once the basic requirements of fitting into the society was complete..my heart would be allowed to follow the call of the free and wild.........
now,after the required criterion of education...and work...is complete...an essential to keep my parents happy and satisfied....from where did the additional requirements jump in?
why is a girl expected to live her life first sheltered by her parents and then handed over as a commodity..priceless nonetheless for another euphemism of bondage..marriage?
in between all this why is her desire to live life on her own terms smothered under the weight of responsibilities,expectations,rules?
i know..i am rambling..but the very home which has always been my fountainhead of security now seems a source of entrapment...why is that everything that is so familiar seem all of a sudden so suffocating?how come the very thing you love the most is the thing you want to run away from?
the thought that worries me the most nowadays is that i will die living the same life..the life that expects you to place everything else before you but your own happiness..
the sky outside always tempts me hinting of distant lands and unexplored views to experience...is it wrong to want to travel and do things you want at your own pace?
every night as sleep overcomes me...my dreaded thoughts dangle between..guilt...as i want to escape a life which has always been kind to me....and a self hatred at the cowardice in me....for my lack of courage required to break free....knowing fully well..it would hurt and wound a lot of people i love with all my heart...but deep inside..the heart yearns for freedom as wanderlust whispers in the air ..and the soul weeps to think of the wasted years to follow......
i hope you do not consider me a sentimental fool..my diary....goodnight.........
yours.........
a fluttering and floundering 22 year old..............