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Friday, February 13, 2009

a journey through my journals.

this is a farewell post to one of my constant companions of the past decade-my journals.
today morning as i was winding up writing the last lines of an experiment in medical microbiology(i like adding these names,u see,i feel as if i am doing something intelligent) i realised that it was actually the last experiment for the academic year. and since i finish my PG this year,it meant that this was the last time i was writing my journal. yipppeeeee!!!! went a nervecell .hold on,said another nerve cell. think back,kid..think back...
i remember my first journal,a scrawny thin book it was.eight standard when science bifurcated into science 1 & was mostly printed stuff and we just had to fill in the diagrams,observations and results. man, werent we an excited bunch,wow,it was so easy to be excited back then,where did that ability go with passing time?

The more you see the less you know
The less you find out as you go
I knew much more then than I do now
........Can you see the beauty inside of me?
What happened to the beauty I had inside of me?

no..i am not a poet..that is actually BONO(of the U2 fame)(the song is 'city of blinding lights')
back from these musings, as time passed,we passed out of classes and went into higher classes and the journals just got fatter and thicker and heavier.
the excitement faded,we(journal and the student) settled into the usual rhythms of their alliance. a marriage of sorts.along with the academic years the journals took on many forms (like man becomes boy,friend,husband and father and women become girl,sister,friend,wife and mother and so on.please add whatever u want.)the journals became physics journals(i so hated the ray diagrams)chemistry journals(ughgh..the tables) and biology(the cell diagrams still gives me nightmares!!) if that was not enough as our relationship progressed they took up many more fanciful forms-immunology,genetics,microbiology,biostatistics(bloody conmen-they managed to squeeze statistics into biology.i am still waiting to be attacked by biomaths).
but,yes i have to say,as with everything fanciful if you take the pains to actually know it ,it is actually pretty simple biology dressed in designer labels.
well,this love hate relationship has so many memories!!

memories of late nights spent writing journals with only barking dogs as companions. there is something eerie about howling dogs ar 2am in the morning. and how do you wake up your parents and ask them to sit with you because the dogs are barking(well,i dont know,arent they supposed to sleep?but poor souls whatelse can they do but bark,they cannot talk,right?) at that time,my sole companion was the warmth and strength of the hard bound book on which i was scribbling away to glory.its pages seem to be soothing me with unspoken words of comfort and companionship..."come scared one..immerse in these words you write on us and forget the howling dogs and hounds of hells"(sigh...peaceful..i say)
but yes,not every memory is relaxing,especially the day after this "hounds of hell opera"night you actually understand that what they teach you under the label"muscular system" at school is true.coz you can feel their soreness right from your right hand side of the neck to your fingertips(i write with my right hand,you see)
if dragging your hand with you everywhere is not enough,your teachers's unwillingness to sign on the experiments because your diagrams of chicken embryo look like hen's children is enough to make you want to howl at night too.
and the train travels you and your journals take!! well,i have spent many pleasurable (\m/) afternoons lolling of on my thick journals in the train. but yes,if you take into account all the shouts and screams you get because you are occupying more space in the train because of your journals have to be taken into account. and also the number of bags that go into early labour(read "torn and destroyed") because the journals want to see the world too.(impulsive kids..i say)
i have cribbed a lot about how we never had printed journals when it mattered. how we write 3 200 pages journals and fill in with the history,geography and psychology of SCEINCE experiments when time could have been saved if it was all printed with observations and results filled by us.
when i think back now i think it helped me a lot,my handwriting became bearable and stable. more important,though at times i switch off my brain when i write the words still penetrate and stay there. thus,concepts are learned.
in the twilight of our realtionship,as i view the past 10 years,nostalgia overwhelms me. i know that i will have tears in my eyes as i see my journals sit proudly and smartly dressed in brown cover on my examiner's table. and i know,they will be the reason i will get marks,which to some extent are undeserved.but,which i will accept as the journals unconditional declaration of love.
farewell,my mate and companion. you shall be fondly remembered(tears blur my lashes.)


arshat.chaudhary said...

aw.. nice sweet post.. made me rem my journal days! Engg made me write so much.. I dont think I wud be able to do all that writing again.. thank god those days are behind me.. abhi se only copy paste! ;)

iceprincess said...

yea...but i will miss these "writing days"..and i said b4..who else can i tell that i miss my jounals,no 1..but a BLOG.

fallen angel said...

well what do we have here?.."journal"ism?....i must say...journal writing is an art that very few are destined to enjoy...its an individual's journey through the varied idiosyncracies of it..physics..chemistry or biology...but ice princess...why wud u miss it...thats something no one can do...its like a big fat greek wedding for life...even if its not with u..its something no one can throw away or forget..its a bible of immense industrious labour...without even having to put in an inkling of cerebration...a journey of platitudes...vexation...and finally caress it like an integral part of ur life...coz its gonna be with u..always...thru the portals of ur life and time...and hey..go look at it sometimes...coz its always smiling...that brown covered and rustic book...all u can do back...

iceprincess said...

aahhhh luci....u just made "journal"ism sound like a lifelong abstract which will always be there for u matter what....

fallen angel said...

yeah...but hey...its gonna be the hard etched truth...difficult to wipe out....keep it comin....