dear diary,
feeling:low,blue,depressed,frustrated.
seems like i have been feeling like this forever..and will always end up feeling like this if i do not do anything about it.
why is being a 22 year old girl so frustrating?isn't it the time in your life when the world is laid out before you like an unexplored treasure..when the blood is young and fresh ...and everything seems possible? then why do i already feel old and cynical?
long before..i had made a promise to myself...a vow..to live life to the fullest...never regret a single moment...long ago i had decided that once the basic requirements of fitting into the society was complete..my heart would be allowed to follow the call of the free and wild.........
now,after the required criterion of education...and work...is complete...an essential to keep my parents happy and satisfied....from where did the additional requirements jump in?
why is a girl expected to live her life first sheltered by her parents and then handed over as a commodity..priceless nonetheless for another euphemism of bondage..marriage?
in between all this why is her desire to live life on her own terms smothered under the weight of responsibilities,expectations,rules?
i know..i am rambling..but the very home which has always been my fountainhead of security now seems a source of entrapment...why is that everything that is so familiar seem all of a sudden so suffocating?how come the very thing you love the most is the thing you want to run away from?
the thought that worries me the most nowadays is that i will die living the same life..the life that expects you to place everything else before you but your own happiness..
the sky outside always tempts me hinting of distant lands and unexplored views to experience...is it wrong to want to travel and do things you want at your own pace?
every night as sleep overcomes me...my dreaded thoughts dangle between..guilt...as i want to escape a life which has always been kind to me....and a self hatred at the cowardice in me....for my lack of courage required to break free....knowing fully well..it would hurt and wound a lot of people i love with all my heart...but deep inside..the heart yearns for freedom as wanderlust whispers in the air ..and the soul weeps to think of the wasted years to follow......
i hope you do not consider me a sentimental fool..my diary....goodnight.........
yours.........
a fluttering and floundering 22 year old..............
5 comments:
i always used 2 wonder why girls who are married off the moment they get into their twenties or when they complete their basic education (whichever comes first!), don't rebel.
if someone does rebel, 9 out of 10 times its coz they are in love with someone else, but its rarely (or probably never) for the fact that they just don't wanna jump the bandwagon coz the society or the family feels they are "ready".
on a lighter note, its wonderful 2 see one of my favorite blogger back! :D
n am i first???
@BE
hiiiiiiiii..yup..ur d first...
i know re....life is kinda very complicated..if u want to make it so..
:)
neways..its a three part series....wait for d next letter...
:P
So, SO true, anjana! :(
Exactly my sentiments, even though i'm technically on the other side of the river right now! :(
@jyo chechi.
its ok i guess.as ppl say ppl say evethng turns out for d good.who knows? and how i wish i cld say who cares..:(
I too fear that I'll die living the same life without the happiness that i seek,
A self hatred at the cowardice in me,
For my lack of courage required to break free!
*Sigh!*
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