confessions of an overboard mind.

symptoms:victim seems happy,peaceful,disoriented,mild hallucinations are common,generally perceived by "normal"people as borderline schizophrenic behaviour.

cause: medical professionals are trying to find the drug causing these effects.

victims have a calm belief and utter confidence that their body,especially the wondrous organ called the brain whose capacities are still uncharted waters is capable of anything and everything,right from depths of despair to heights of ecstasy.

a first hand narrative by a victim who likes to call her affliction,fondly, the "high on life"syndrome:

...............there are times when i look out of the window and see the scenery,the same sight which has greeted me for almost all my life,when i don't really see it...in the great rush to lead a life,reach someplace ,do something useful,the faculty of sight just perceives it without registering anything.........and then there are times,when just going through moments in time,there comes one such moment when everything is different,my senses are more aware and alert..and i truly believe in magic....a world where not just the trees and the sky and the roads and the vehicles exist.....a world of musical elements,fairies,elves and stardust exists..where i believe in fairy tales and fantasies.......

during these times,the so called sane part of my mind interrupts me by practically arguing that it is the thousands of books and movies that i read and watch....or just the human want for something mysterious and magical about their sane lives that makes me believe this.....but..it is not....even if it is for those few moments...i completely believe in magic....and mystery.....

and after that moment passes i just carry it along with me..but i don't completely believe in it....

i know..i have been rambling for quite some time now.....they say it is an affliction that i caused by some drug...i sometimes don't understand why humans never believe in what their hearts say is true......

all this is basically i want to write something ..many things....i have been away for a long time from my writing world....but today i sit and write only and only because...my instincts asked me to...when i started writing i just knew i wanted to share a lot of my feelings and experiences with people i may never see..but only connect with..because of our common need or want to write and express...people who know almost nothing about me...but only the persona my writing creates of me..but people i value ...for the simple reason their writings speak to me....and i can speak or connect back to it......

the vacation i took...if i can ..i would have written a travelogue about it...but if i do,i am sure...i will be chosen to be skewered for all the humour i try to see in almost everything i see..

if the roads of Delhi and the neatness of our capital impressed me..the difficulty of getting things conveniently.....blew that effect ........

if the beautiful.architecture of most of the tombs i visited took my breath away....people's morbid fascination with death made me go into a confused maze of thoughts about the human psyche.........

not to mention the epitome of foresight our Mughal rulers had.....it is because of them that i believe we still read the line in every Geography and Economic textbooks....

"India is an agricultural economy......"

with all due respect..and with no wish to offend anyone....i believe it is because of their concern for their future generation..that they got their entire family and lineages buried...and subsequently provided the northern part of our country with fertile soil.....

i know..many of them are going to give me visit for my audacity.....

and i don't know..whether it was the small town,open fields and peaceful ambiance of Kurukshetra..or just the spiritual magic of the air there.....i found an equilibrium which had ceased to exist in me...

sometimes..i wish for that blind belief in things which we have when we are children,an unwavering faith in life.....with time..we lose it..cynicism sets in ..or at least a mask of cynicism..behind which we hide that dying flame of faith....sometimes..i truly wish..i believed in magic every time...............

as i hit the road...though the heady feeling of wanderlust overwhelmed me most of the time...i also understood what it means to truly feel alone..in this world......

(authors note:i know this is a weird way of writing something..but i just couldn't stop myself..i just knew..i wanted to write...and for once..i don't want to redraft it...its just raw,plain thoughts.....just jotted down..as they chase themselves around in my head...)