ANTITHESIS (PART II)-letter to a homeland

my dear land,
my home....i hope you do not find this the insane ramblings of a war ridden old soldier from the front......
me,am not of the sentimental sorts..but i guess,the war changes everything it touches.....humans too..especially humans i must say.......
years away from you has left me craving for a sight,a smell,a sound,even any memory associated with you....the smell of the lush,fertile earth,the rolling hills,the peaceful cattle.....my small house....mother at her stove..the fragrances of spices...father ..he always had the fragrance of the earth which was his life blood...sturdy and secure...my precious love..with her mysterious sparkling eyes....i hope this finds them in safe and sound health............
i sometimes think of the young man who left home..that fateful day..years ago..all eager and ideal ...the patriot to patrol his land....and never find him in me anymore.....as i said..the war changes everything.....the idealism...fades..the convictions for the causes we fight for burns to ashes....the faces of friends and enemies merge......every eyes...besides or opposite..are mirror images.....all that remains is the gunfire and memories of carnage...what we suffer..so do they....wars will begin and wars will pass......soldiers will fight...soldiers will die...eventually nothing of us will remain...except a pile of mass memorial on some street in the country we will bleed for..........
every evening as i sit under the silken skies.........i think of my land...i think of my home....i think of my family...my love...the place where the heart will always place its largest share..and feel an etching sadness haunt me....
i am homesick...homesick for my land..where all i want is a small field..where i will grow brinjals,capsicums,yams and all possible hideous vegetables which maybe i will only eat.........but i know..i will be happy as the sun shines on me as i stand on the earth where my heart lies...
i do not know what is that i dread the most....in some ways the war not ending makes me live my life as if it is the last moment.and if the war ends.....the worry that gnaws me is if i will ever fit into civilization again....you see..the war just does not handicap the body...but it also scars the heart and for some..kills the soul..............
for all it does good.........under the gathering twilight....i bid adieu...to a day gone by....away from my homeland.....
the confused soldier on the frontier.