NAUSEA

continuing with the "N" series....

this is about the most horrible day in the history of my study leave.....
damn,miserable it was......

i had this one week gap before my next paper.....so,i was relaxed,lazy,happy and leading a non studious life....in spite of the fact that i had not touched a single chapter for the coming paper....
well,as usual,2 days before the exams,i decided to try and be serious about studies....and at least get a few chapters done..

now,this was a Thursday....i generally "fast"on Thursdays....all i will say is..i just want to check my determination to keep away from food.....and let me tell you,it kills me..sigh,sob,boo hoo....

the miserable day started with me dragging myself out of the bed at 6 in the morning..but as luck would have it..the early morning tea time(yeahh..tea is allowed..so is water and watermelon) conversation with my mom developed into a full fledged talk which continued way past 8..with both mom and me jumping up to race to our respective domains..kitchen and study table...

after swallowing the initial feeling of guilt..for messing up morning study time..i sat down to study some stuff...

now,i cannot decide whether it was some weird play of fate,an alignment of my stars..or just plain stupid me making a wrong choice...that i ended up choosing something called "exfoliative cytology"...don't let the fancy name fool you..it is basically disease diagnosis using urine,faeces and sputum.....

in layman's terms...lets say...it is all about pee,shit and spit....

honestly,these "usually"gross things don't matter much to me...
as in i enjoy reading "clinical "language...
for something as simple as,......"stinking shit"..they will write..."stools with foul smell".
now.i haven't,heard of fragrant shit till date...
nor,does the fact,that the subject includes different texture,smell,colour and appearance of faeces and urine spoil my appetite....

but,i guess,i was miserable that day...

all this garbage made me more miserable...and made me realise that it doesn't matter that these things don't spoil my appetite..there was no need for appetite today!
feeling utterly dejected....i went and ate my mother's brain about how i could not study and was feeling guilty and blah blah...
when mom threw me out i irritated my brother...who also did not give me two pence worth of attention.....
feeling like a lowlife..who couldn't warrant even as much attention as the shit and pee i was studying about.....i sat down again for studying....
this time,i did manage to finish the chapter..but that had some weird consequence....
i was walking around the house like a zombie....

sick of studies..i watched television....well,i ended up watching "resident evil" for the umpteenth time. more zombies and the blood and gore in the movie...made me feel weirder...now i was damn sure..i was ready for some cannibalistic activity....

teatime beckoned again,i thought about enjoying my tea..by spending some time observing nature and induce some peace in myself .....a fat lot i got from that...i ended up observing a mean cat from my building eating up an unsuspecting pigeon..

i guess,i had had it ..blood,gore,innards....for one day....
in despair and unable to run from my depression....i decided to call it a day.......
keeping my study materials aside,i had a quick bath....cribbed about it all on the phone with my friend...and by 9..i was ready to hit the bed.....

but..there is something about misery which never leaves your back..the hounds of hell,once behind you..are...hard to dislodge...sleep was alluding me...me..the favourite one ..of the sleep Gods!!
i decided to play music to soothe my "garbagedumped"soul.......
now,i am a Metal freak..and i dig U2...
i slowly started relaxing to Bono's voice......
but..even my favourite songs seemed to have hidden meaning on that fateful day....
when Bono sang.....

"baby baby baby.....light my way.......ultraviolet....ULTRAVIOLET"...

all i could think was that we could use UV rays for sterilization......
when he sang....

"i cant live.....with or without you"...my mind corrupted my favourite song in the whole wide world by thinking about "shit"and how you cant live "with" or "without" it......

i felt nauseated!
and the last thing i remember before blessed sleep overcame me...was Bono crooning..

"I'll go crazy,if i don't go crazy tonight"





well,two days later and after writing that paper..i can say..i am almost as sane as i can be....
and am back to listening to U2 without hidden meanings....
the only weird after effect was,in between the paper,i wanted to throw my answer sheets to the wind and had a great urge to start singing and bawling in the exam hall...
:P

i did think about putting up pictures for this article..but i don't think people who survived this post would want to see pictures of human waste..and for those who did not survive..
rest in peace.



end of rambling.......

(related links:
http://iceprincess-gypsyheart.blogspot.com/2009/03/happy-realization.html
http://iceprincess-gypsyheart.blogspot.com/2009/03/grinch-who-stole-my-holi.html )_