happy realization!!!

To begin with, I am still in between my study leave. I am still in that state of mind where I am half normal (read: human) half abnormal (unhealthily). (Read :monster)

Over so many years of enjoying study leaves(man!!how long have I been studying?,when is this even going to get over!!!) I have come up with an analysis sheet which states the following few facts….

1.as stated above I convert into some weird hybrid of human and robot.that is most of the time,I am running dry on emotions and am running solely on brainpower.

2.people talking to me,at this particular time,will witness this peculiar time lag between their stating something and mine answering or responding to it.

do not worry,do not call emergency services. Check your premises,you will find that ,you initiated the talk session when I was not ready,as in either I would be still in study mode or I would be trying to come out of it.

the symptoms you witness is because, my brain is taking time to register what it processes as interruption.

at this point,if you ask me my name,it will take me a few seconds before I answer that.please be careful,though I do not have a history of violence, but there is always a first time.

3.coming to the “most of the time I am running low on emotion”statement. Yes,true. Most of the time.

the remaining time is either spent laughing hysterically over something or crying my eyes out over some sad,past event.(events which may even include things like the death of Shivaji Maharaj,kittens disappearing from my building…well these are kittens whose mom I was with when she went into labour….sob..they are like my godchildren..it makes me sad..when they leave to conquer their world..sob..sighg)

I guess,it has got to do with the pent up emotions burning themselves..ughgh…the things we humans have to undergo..

4.I realize that even though I feel cut off from the world when I study….study holidays are actually the time I spent so much time catching up with friends,talking to them…even if it is snatched precious moments in time for a walk,a phone conversation,a window to window talk…..just about anything.

5.after my study session for the day,I crave rabidly for human contact…..
it is either me talking nonstop to a present or absent audience ..
or me just listening to the cadences of familiar voices..not actually listening..but just loving the feel of something normal …..

6.not to mention that my poor dad’s salary is spent mostly on getting me fuel to see me through these brain draining days…..
dad burns money over my fuel(read:food)….i accumulate the calories.

7.a very scary observation…study holidays are the most susceptible time to catch certain sickness..well yes..it is the time you are the most vulnerable to your past catching up with you,especially if it is something you want to hide under your carpet and forget all about. It affects you bad for the simple reason your emotional vs intellectual balance is badly screwed up during study time. So..take care…..

8.I generally catch up with my past piled up laundry,reading books like crazy,listening to music,brushing my teeth 1001 times ….as an excuse for a break…anything which kind of puts me back into some kind of schedule is welcome.

Like..one answer-one chapter of a novel-another answer-one dress washed-one answer-one song to listen..and so on…..

9.not to mention…sleep..i sleep like the God of sleep’s favourite prodigy….
Snap..and am there in sleeping paradise……..

my research for doctorate.
”the connection between sleep and studies and possible cure to insomnia:studies”
(I know…I know..i started off cribbing about studies..but life is long..you never know when the study bug might hit you again)

10.i crib right left center forward…..
I swear right left center forward…(swearing is mostly in the mind…I want my parents to still think I am their little girl)
Crib…beep…crib…beep…..

11.there is nothing more secure and warm than watching my mother walk around doing her chores and walking around as this is how a utopian world is supposed to be.
When I look at her…..i feel everything is right in the world…..(even if I am studying something as morbid as diseases)

Wrapped in a time bubble….which doesn’t go anywhere…
today I sign off as the….

Ice- monstr- ess..