SENSES

i don't know what propelled this particular chain of thoughts in my head but it surely had to do with a memory.....a word spoken by mom...before it could register its actual self through my brain..it opened..even if just for a split second..an alternate door..an alternate action..which had nothing to do with its actual context..for that split second..a very poignant sense of nostalgia hit me...and then it was lost as what my mom actually wanted to tell me registered..all through that day..i spent in vain...hoping again for that door to open...

what is it...about the brain that amazes me so much..like my other love "ocean" our brains capacities are also fathomless....as the ocean's depth.....and the feeling i sensed...made me realise there is this alternate world of senses which exists..which is much more honest than the more commonly used world of words........

just a random favourite moments list....for each sense.......the list is actually pretty large..but i will write the first thing that comes to my mind....

1.Sense of SIGHT:i love to watch a class of students in an examination hall.

whenever i go for supervision..the pandemonium which greets me is typical...the last minute cramming session...but the moment the bell goes off..the students settle down with their sheets..its peace....i love watching them write..their bent heads......the silence....once in a while interrupted by the rustle of sheets....its as if for a moment...everything is silent in the world........

2.Sense of SOUND: the waves breaking the shore....my dad's native land..is a small island.....sparsely populated...a small township...the house is large and sprawling...on moonlit nights..when the moonlight paints everything silver around you...standing on the cool island sand.....if i close my eyes..and attune my sense of sound...i can hear the surf breaking the shore...there is nothing more hauntingly mystical than that.....`

3.Sense of SMELL: i love the smell of freshly sun dried washed clothes....i love pulling them off the cloth-line and wrapping myself with them and just smelling them...its the mixture of the smell of he soap and the person i associate the clothes with that make it more charming....

4.Sense of taste: aaahhaaa...where do i fit my list: :P but the first thing that hits my mind...

my refreshing cup of morning tea with a tinge of ginger in it...there surely is God..for there surely is food.....:)

5.Sense of touch: the feel of a baby's soft skin...and the way they fit so perfectly into your arms..warm,cuddly and so so tender.......(i managed this sense..without causing a scandal..:P)

this one is the combination of all...as am from the land of coconut trees and red flags....

i cannot miss on the combo pack this land offers to my senses....this one is a culmination of all the senses....

one would be when my train enters my native land....the breeze which TOUCHES my skin...which carries the SMELL of the rich fertile soil...the SIGHT of green fields and the SOUND of the cows lazily mooing...actually gives me the first TASTE of kerala.......

second would be..the rainy evenings at my native house...standing in the dark tiled..wood panelled veranda...watching the rain drenched foliage taking a darker shade of green....smelling the wet earth....feeling the cool breeze and tasting the rain drops...

call me prejudiced..but there sure is something so mysterious and haunting ..about such evenings..i don't know whether it is the play of elements...the light..of twilight...the rain water and the wind...and the damp earth...or my hyper imaginative brain....that sends goosebumps down my skin....whispering to me about the elusive but ever present,rare but cannot be ignored presence of the 6th sense..a sense of intuition...which is the call of your soul..which will always recognise and make memories....which will whisper across ages to you in the form of these goosebumps........long forgotten memories...about previous and future lifetimes.......

this one is for the blunt guy......

i have realised that for me writing comes under extreme conditions...thinking hard for some idea for a post isn't my forte...its that natural urge ..when and only when the heavens decide and bless me with an idea..am i able to write....otherwise i am a useless dimwit who cannot get herself inspired enough to write..

as the post before...this one is specifically for bluntE..i hope he is proud of me...

am still sticking to random.....and am just writing a random list oft things..which doesn't have anything in common..no skeletal framework....

1. i have realised that stress has a physical manifestation and it is one of the few parasitic abstracts which creeps up to you and makes its home in your muscles and joints and bones and resides in between them and marks them stiff...(groan...my back.......)

2.i have realised that the "responsible one"crown is an uneasy one to wear..people take undue advantage of you and you like the noble martyr suffer..and the sloths and slobs of the underworld flourish at your expense......

3.it would be nice to own a beachfront cottage and cook out on the beach in the evenings

4.that at times,all of us are living in an open cage.......

5.whatever happens in life,if wanderlust is diluted in your life force....you will have to face it some day or the other.....

6.that at times,however you try to make a meaning out of your life..it will always seem meaningless.

7.and at times,life will simply bowl you over with its simplicity and beauty.......

8.that at times,when you look at the stars you wonder whether somewhere under those starry skies does a place exist where you will find your true essence..and can be just you.....

9 and that..you will always have people tell you in no uncertain terms that you are stupid because..that place exists right here..where you are.......the present moment is and can always be what you make of it....you don't need to be elsewhere ...

10.that..i know..i come across as a very disturbed person..but...dont worry..am just musing out aloud..the thoughts that circle around as i try to dish out some philosophy.....

i know..this is very vague....but as i said,i had to write this for bluntE...coz..he threatened me....

signing out...

ice-scared-ness.(due to BE threats..:P)

deja vu.

groaannn..moaaan....ughgh...grrrr...comfortably numb.....everyday for the past "god alone knows how many days"...i have been just staring at the URL of "blogger.com"and not signing in..reason..i do not know..inspiration hits me in flashes and like a flash flood overwhelms me and is gone...i feel guilty..i miss my blogmates..but..i do not know..what to do...

and finally....my saviour is here...Mr.BE has rescued me and now can finally say he rescued one damsel(damn-cell?..i know..bad joke),more a wasted creature in distress..by giving me an

award...without a name...suits me..coz right now..even i am without an aim....

no wonder he is one of my favourite ppl in blogville..

shanu?shanu?kidhar hain tu?help me out..my humour princess.....

ok...i move on to the "anamika"award and state its rules....

1) List 7 things about yourself that nobody knows.

2) Pass on this award to 7other people.

3) Comment on their blog and let them know that they are tagged.

i donot know whether i will follow all the rules,coz i am not in the mood..but will try to dish out some more truths about myself..damn!!if i manage to finish this..this blog will have 27 truths about me...this is a pain!!!

http://iceprincess-gypsyheart.blogspot.com/2009/02/my-first-award_23.html

http://iceprincess-gypsyheart.blogspot.com/2009/05/of-another-awardand-10-more-truths.html

1)i love the local trains in Mumbai.it is like a second home to me.i love cribbing about it,fighting and screaming while travelling in it,feel like a survivor every time i successfully finish a journey and finally fall all over in love with it again and again.

i love the afternoon times the most,with the sunlight filtering in through the doors,the passengers mildly in slumber land with the train's gentle rocking lullaby and a feeling of utter peace prevails over me as the train moves along the tracks.

2)i do not know whether i have mentioned this before,but i love the oceans,i wanted to be an oceanographer,even if it is just to sit and stare at the mysterious oceans.there is something so alluring about its hidden depths,promising of unseen secrets...maybe i should have been a pirate...:P

3)though i am a very "family and friends" type of person,there are times when daily,normal,social life suffocates me.moments when i crave for freedom,for anonymity,for a life where not a single soul knows me.that is why i loved the movie"into the wild"..i can see it 1001 times and never tire of.

4)i have a fetish for earrings and bangles.glass,metal,ornate carvings,stone,anything would do.but i do not care much for gold.yes,i know,being a malayalee,i can hear the astonished and offended gasps of fellow malayalees.but,that's the truth,i do not care for gold jewellery.

here are some pictures taken during my cousin's wedding last Sunday.those are my bangle(over)clad arms.

5)i believe there are only two ways of going about in life.two ways to live it.live responsibly or pursue it with passion.same can be said about doing anything.you do it because it is your responsibility or you do it because it is your passion.blessed are the ones who find passion.as for people doing things because it is their responsibility and not because they want to,do not be surprised to find your eyes wandering to the distant horizons always searching for that something alluding you,that something which makes you feel complete.

writing is something i pursue with passion,it is always like giving a part of my soul.and that is the reason i never ventured to write anything for so long because they would have been sub standard.now,i actually do not care,i am writing for survival and maintenance of sanity

6)i always wanted to be a part of a rock band,the brooding,weirdo guitarist or the unsociable singer.i do not know about anything else,but i managed weird,especially where my super wild,uncivilized hair is concerned.

yes,music is another thing that touches my soul.

in a world where we try to hide behind masks,construct fortresses around our true self and are scared to show our true self for fear of vulnerability,it is nice to have things that speak to our souls.music,writing and reading top my soul communicator list.

7)i truly believe,food,sleep and a nice bathroom to shit is all you will ever require for a peaceful life.

when you eat,you will find happiness,when you sleep,you will find peace.....

and when you shit..you will achieve Nirvana.

tell me.what more does anyone want than that!!! :P

phew,i know,i have been rambling,pardon me coz..i haven't written anything for a long time......

i give this award to all those poor writers like me who have hit a block for whatever reasons.

my eternal gratitude to BE....once again...

i sign out...as

ice-finally at peace-ness.

:)

rhetorics

they say there are moments in life....when something becomes utterly clear...when the cloud cover clears..when all the scattered dots in your past make sense....

no one told us life would be fair.....that it would be easy...but they sure told us..it would be worth it ..every single bit of it..if we carry along our heart with us....

what is it about the heart..that makes it wiser than the brain? for a person who is completely in love with her brain..i find it hard at times to accept that a pumping organ is more powerful than a thinking one...

but if i think about it..the pumping action...quite literally that is...the ability to pump in the life sustaining oxygen and clearing out the life threatening carbon dioxide..out of the life force,blood..can be co related to the ability to accept unconditionally whatever (the impure blood),ability to purify and give things a sense of purpose(oxygenate blood and make it useful) and sustain life till it utmost capacity(the continuous work)..pardon the ardent biology lover in me...but the heart...always knows the answers..the brain takes time to come in terms with....

what is it about passion...the force of which,when it flows in the blood..creates such a potent combination...that every other thing wrong in life..doesn't seem to matter.....?

what is it about my zodiac..which takes me through such highs and lows..that i don't know where i stand.....?

why is it ..that at times..making our own decisions is all that matters...and why is it..when faced with a dead end..the ability to leave and lose everything....leaves you with a sense of calmness....?

there are moments..which make me forget years....

what is it about life?when you think you found one answer..and made one decision..it confounds you with another....

what is it about me?why the hell am i like this?

is the fear of hurting some one's feelings care for them or cowardice?

is the want to break away from what you care the most for desperation or wanderlust?

is the belief that everything that happens in life happens for the best,stupid optimism or the fact that you actually cant do anything about it?

can someone tell me where i can do a very good course in Geography from?

what is it about human beings that i am in a love-hate relationship with them?

what is it about me that i am just asking questions to a very tolerant blog?

confessions of an overboard mind.

symptoms:victim seems happy,peaceful,disoriented,mild hallucinations are common,generally perceived by "normal"people as borderline schizophrenic behaviour.

cause: medical professionals are trying to find the drug causing these effects.

victims have a calm belief and utter confidence that their body,especially the wondrous organ called the brain whose capacities are still uncharted waters is capable of anything and everything,right from depths of despair to heights of ecstasy.

a first hand narrative by a victim who likes to call her affliction,fondly, the "high on life"syndrome:

...............there are times when i look out of the window and see the scenery,the same sight which has greeted me for almost all my life,when i don't really see it...in the great rush to lead a life,reach someplace ,do something useful,the faculty of sight just perceives it without registering anything.........and then there are times,when just going through moments in time,there comes one such moment when everything is different,my senses are more aware and alert..and i truly believe in magic....a world where not just the trees and the sky and the roads and the vehicles exist.....a world of musical elements,fairies,elves and stardust exists..where i believe in fairy tales and fantasies.......

during these times,the so called sane part of my mind interrupts me by practically arguing that it is the thousands of books and movies that i read and watch....or just the human want for something mysterious and magical about their sane lives that makes me believe this.....but..it is not....even if it is for those few moments...i completely believe in magic....and mystery.....

and after that moment passes i just carry it along with me..but i don't completely believe in it....

i know..i have been rambling for quite some time now.....they say it is an affliction that i caused by some drug...i sometimes don't understand why humans never believe in what their hearts say is true......

all this is basically i want to write something ..many things....i have been away for a long time from my writing world....but today i sit and write only and only because...my instincts asked me to...when i started writing i just knew i wanted to share a lot of my feelings and experiences with people i may never see..but only connect with..because of our common need or want to write and express...people who know almost nothing about me...but only the persona my writing creates of me..but people i value ...for the simple reason their writings speak to me....and i can speak or connect back to it......

the vacation i took...if i can ..i would have written a travelogue about it...but if i do,i am sure...i will be chosen to be skewered for all the humour i try to see in almost everything i see..

if the roads of Delhi and the neatness of our capital impressed me..the difficulty of getting things conveniently.....blew that effect ........

if the beautiful.architecture of most of the tombs i visited took my breath away....people's morbid fascination with death made me go into a confused maze of thoughts about the human psyche.........

not to mention the epitome of foresight our Mughal rulers had.....it is because of them that i believe we still read the line in every Geography and Economic textbooks....

"India is an agricultural economy......"

with all due respect..and with no wish to offend anyone....i believe it is because of their concern for their future generation..that they got their entire family and lineages buried...and subsequently provided the northern part of our country with fertile soil.....

i know..many of them are going to give me visit for my audacity.....

and i don't know..whether it was the small town,open fields and peaceful ambiance of Kurukshetra..or just the spiritual magic of the air there.....i found an equilibrium which had ceased to exist in me...

sometimes..i wish for that blind belief in things which we have when we are children,an unwavering faith in life.....with time..we lose it..cynicism sets in ..or at least a mask of cynicism..behind which we hide that dying flame of faith....sometimes..i truly wish..i believed in magic every time...............

as i hit the road...though the heady feeling of wanderlust overwhelmed me most of the time...i also understood what it means to truly feel alone..in this world......

(authors note:i know this is a weird way of writing something..but i just couldn't stop myself..i just knew..i wanted to write...and for once..i don't want to redraft it...its just raw,plain thoughts.....just jotted down..as they chase themselves around in my head...)

sorry people of my blogkingdom....

hello prajakal...(my people)
i know..my random tactics and antics and my disappearing behaviour has left you bewildered as random mutagenesis...
even if not...just nod thy heads...for keeping my randomly messed up brain..
am writing from the land of the origin of Bhagwad Geetha ...yup..am in Kurukshetra,Haryana...on a vacation....
i will be back...with some news on the graveyards of Delhi and the amazing fields of Haryana..
and for all that i missed..in your kingdoms...i shall make up....
thank you ....
yours mutated....
ice-mutation-ness...

i seriously dont know what this is about......

i was teaching something called random mutagenesis.....to a class of bewildered students....unknown to them i was as stupefied as they were..the utterly useless stuff people come up with at times!!! apart from that..while i was trying to get the lecture done...the word "random" caught on ..i was once again..wanting to blog without knowing what to blog about..so as useless,random mutagenesis is..this "random"article is also useless...for people who hate me after this..please..i just wanted to write...plzz..plzzz..maaf karo!!!

i do not know why i think the things i do...i nowadays do not know the purpose of my life..forget nowadays...i never knew ever..but nowadays..i think about it more....and feel scarier,weirder and older....

maybe,keeping in sync with the topic..i am "randomly" mutated.....maybe my brain cells are mysteriously dying of early onset old age...

feeling old as i am ..i really wanted to punch some people.....

there is a subset of Indian population who thinks calling someone an "aunty" is akin to calling someone"madam".they use it anywhere and everywhere.....

some oldies in my building call my mom..."aunty"..and they top the cake...with the icing..by calling me "behenji"..yea...sure.i know..big deal...but guys,you do not know the trauma i undergo..

if reaching college early is not enough..since i haven't got my ID.....i have to fight with the watchman..everyday..telling him..

"i am faculty!!!!!ID nahi mila hain!!!"....

"nahi..jhoot mat boliye..aap student ho....."

he gives me dirty looks as if i am gonna blast his precious college off....

i dread each time i face a new watchman.....and i have nearly given up wearing jeans to college...i go in salwaar kameez..to look older....maybe i could try sarees and vamplike bindis next....

if that is not enough....i have some schoolkids in the bus..coming up to me and RANDOMLY asking whether "are you a college student?"

i came up with the most stern look i could and told them.."no..am a teacher..."

they just gave a look which said.."kisko ullu bana rahaen ho"..grinned and ran away...

i mean what!!!!!!!!!!!

either i look old..or i look young..don't confuse my tortured mind with such "random" incidents...

:(

damn..this article has turned out to be full on...ramblings...

by the way..for people who have read a previous article..about me wanting to throw my spectacles into outer space and all...

it is happening guys!!!

i had my specs fly off,due to a hit on the head while getting down from the train.it fell on a crowded platform and survived!!!(taaaliyaaan!!!)

and while dancing on an evening out with friends..it flew off and landed god-alone-knows -where but still managed to survive.....

yes!!! my specs will make Darwin proud...."survival of the fittest"..new species...

what..why...why are you guys looking around for rotten tomatoes....hold...sorry...aaaaaaaaaahhhhh

(wiping away rotten stuff from my face....)

now i have decided to start an experiment ..it is top secret..national security business...so..shhhhhh..

am thinking of checking how far...we can jet spray our puke....and defeat the enemy by grossing them out.. so..next time you want to vomit,stand as far away as you can from the basin and try to throw up....

whaaat!!!why are you doing this to me..am the future star of science in this country..no..guyss...help...they are chaining me up...help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!